Divergent Chaos

Last Thought of The Year..

The year is coming to an end
I have lost and gained friends.
So many things had happened
Most of them will be forgotten.

Say goodbye to the old year,
Welcome the new one with a cheer.
Cherish every good memory
All thoughts that made you happy.

Love more, Hate less
Always give your best
Try to keep things positive
still a lot of things to achieve.

It’s time to recreate
your destiny and fate.
Change the path that you take,
Follow the right road for your own sake.

Take love and give love,
Dont count how much you have
Think of how much you can give
Always try to help other people live.

Give hope when you dont see it.
Give chance when you see it fit.
Share your warmth with the world
Dont let others out in the cold.

I want to bathe in your light
hoping you to end my lonely nights.
Endlessly drifting in insomnia
Thoughts filled with nostalgia.

Staring at the blank walls
Shadows rises and falls
Forming images of your face
and I can now almost feel your taste.

The full veiled moon
Will be rising soon
To light up the darkness
That induces my blindness.

The loneliness is suffocating,
Air is thick, restricted breathing.
The anxiety i feel chokes me,
Missing you unknowingly.

As i wait for sleep,
I pray for this love to keep.
I’ll again try to trade my soul
To make my heart again whole.

Reckless and endearing,
That’s what i’m feeling.
Risking everything once more,
Another lifetime to ignore.

I require you as my lungs require air
It could only be okay if only fate was fair.
i have no choice, but to breathe toxic love.
it’s the only thing i can afford to have.

You’re both my self induced poison
and my life’s sole reason.
The one that slowly kills me,
The only one i need completely.

Execute me as how you want to,
I admit I’m guilty of loving you.
Dont hesitate, pull my heart out.
and you’ll never hear a word from my mouth.

If this pain is love and love is pain
Then death is the only thing i can gain
I know can never be without you,
I’m ready to accept that this life’s through.

If loving you was a sin,
Then hell is where i should have been.
And the costly price of my redepmtion
Is only equal to your love’s affection.

Cast your jugdment upon me.
Pardon or execute me mercilessly.
Give your verdict swiftly,
and release me from this insanity.

Bloom for me,
My April flower.
Show your beauty,
I’ll take a gander.

The wind scatters your scent
Giving me the feeling of heaven.
You’re the perfection i’ve dreamt,
The one that i’ve chosen.

Bloom for me,
My April Flower,
And let me see,
Your petals that matches no other.

I know you’re not mine
And you did not grew for me
I can only see you again this time
Unable to resist fate’s cruelty.

Bloom for me,
My April Flower,
Though we’re not destined to be,
Stay in my heart and take shelter.

In my heart, you will not wilt,
You will eternally bloom..
Even if i am burdened by this guilt,
and love is my certained doom.

Bloom for me for the last time,
At least i can call this moment mine
Ignore my reasons that doesn’t rhyme,
Show me your beauty that i can’t define.

Bloom..for all eternity..April Flower.

I will be the rain,
That washes away your pain
I will embrace you with every drop
And i’ll never ever stop.

The world will be sorry,
and you’ll become free of all your worry,
I’ll drown all your sadness
And flood your life with happiness.

I’ll cleanse all your fears,
I will carry all your tears.
Become drenched in me
Become one with me.

I’ll become the water of life,
Who’ll clear away all your strife.
I’ll Quench the thirst of your ground
and fall on it with my serene sound.

See the beauty of the world
See as the spectacles unfold
Through the veil of the rain
Pouring without refrain.

I will give life to your wilted flowers,
I’ll make them bloom and last forever.
Your barren grounds will be green again,
Just try to love the rain.

Look up to the sky,
Watch every rain cloud pass by,
After i pour i’ll let you see
the rainbow that i wanted you to be.

Shine through me,
Reflect all that i wished the world to see
Show them the hope and the love
That i have always wanted you to have.

Whether the rainwater goes back to the clouds
Or seeped by the thirsty ground,
Whereever it may be,
it will come back to again let you see
The beauty that lies within each drop
And the cycle will never stop.

I am the rain.

I am but another soul
who wishes to be by your side
Your presence makes me whole,
Your love i cannot bide.

I fell in love with you
in the hardest sense.
Through and through,
This heart became dense.

Filled with subtle emotions
Overflowing with distress
Thoughts stucked on a notion
that i cannot detest.

I know i want you,
I know i need you,
But i can’t have you
regardless of what i do.

You are my reason to be
the one that completes me
The only reason i see,
But can never be..

We’re worlds apart..
Fate and life are our borders
but you’ll always have my heart
I just have to hope a bit harder.

I tried to reach you,
but you’re too far away.
I tried to wish for you,
But all wishes ungranted in dismay.

Even if the  world come to an end,
But we’ll still never meet,
I wouldn’t even hold your hand
Or feel your solemn heart beat.

But I will not lose hope and love,
I will defy even God and destiny,
Just to have the one i’m fated not to have
And in the end, it will be just only you and me

Time will cease
Moments will pass
Everything else will end to exist
But this love will eternally last.

This is a love above all,
Nothing else will be greater
Though all the stars fall,
It would still stand forever.

I see you through closed eyes,
I see through the lies and demise.
You’re all that i ever wanted
love and affection unsurmounted.

Tonight, i will dream about you,
despite the pain that will ensue.
This fantasy will last all night,
sharing together a dream so right.

Tonight, we will do all what we want
Give all your wishes for me to grant.
Lead me to the top of your world
Offer your hand for me to hold.

Soar with me across your skies,
Ignorance of how time flies.
Not a day and not a night,
we would descend from this height.

Take me to your heaven,
Let me rest on your haven.
Show me the love i’ve waited for
Show me what you have in store.

Ignore everyone else around you,
Believe in the only thing that is true
When life seemed to become blurry,
I will take away all your worries.

This love will always be the epitome of perfection
This heart will forever be hungry for your affection
Through all the pain and the agony,
I will still continue this fantasy.

I’m yours and yours alone
despite the sins i have to atone.
Take me as i am, I’ll take you as you are.
Heal all my hearts’ scars.

Several hours left before the Christmas bells toll,
Sitting by the phone,waiting for greetings and calls.
Pondering silently on what i could do
Wishing that i was right now near beside you.

As loneliness grasped and choked my heart
The pain of melancholy tears my soul apart
Soundless screams echoes from my mouth
yet no one could hear my silent shout.

The people’s hearts are wrapped in holiday nostalgia,
But there are still some who feels paranoia.
Fearing what lies beyond the Christmas cheers
Fearing what lies beyond the coming of the new year.

Realization of life’s uncertainties
brings a distorted view of practical reality
Where colorful images are blurred
and perfectly spoken words are slurred.

Nonetheless, i have to constantly ponder
Whatever i can find on existances’ border
To peek behind the facade of happiness
And see what’s beyond the darkness.

I will endlessly wander the realm of thoughts
Lost and unfound, the reason i sought.
…
…

I may have fallen in love with you,
Though i know i can never have you.
Because we haven’t even once met,
and this is the closest to you i can
get.

I know you can’t love me,
because we were not destined to be.
You belong to someone perfect
And i know that this love you will
reject.

I haven’t looked in your eyes
personally,
I haven’t touched your skin physically.
You have never even heard my voice,
and it was not me who made that choice.

I dont have the opportunity to meet you,
to prove that this love is true.
I can only hope and wait
that i am be allowed by fate.

I can feel that you are really far,
Much like a distant shining star
That i can only gaze upon but not touch,
Only existing in my dreams, as such.

You are perfect and i am not,
I cant even show you what i’ve got.
Your mere presence could melt me away
like wax under the sun’s burning rays.

Loving you felt like a crime,
Persecuted by chance and by time.
But i’m willing to risk my all,
For you, i will gladly give my soul.

You kissed me under the pale moonlight,
your arms embraced me through the cold
night.
You spoke words that filled my heart
with joy
Echoing blindly in the soul of this boy.

Your warmth satified my senses,
Freeing me from this numbness.
You brought back my happiness,
Every moment together felt endless.

All i ever needed was to love you,
and to show that this feeling is true.
Without doubts or second thoughts,
you were the only one i sought.

I didn’t want to fall in love,
because you were not for me to have.
you are someone that i dont deserve,
the reason this love was deffered.

Your kiss is but a dream,
Your kiss is not reality as it seems.
Everything about me and you is an
illusion,
the products of my insane delusions.

But still..
You are the new reason of my will.
You are the new spark of my desire,
The one who feeds the ember of my fire.

For you ,I will burn endlessly
For your love, i will defy insanity.
For just a small piece of your love,
I will gather all the stars above.

You will be the hope i’m living for
The wings that would make me soar.
Be my unflickering light,
Please shine intensely and bright.

Though our kiss was not real,
I will never forget how you made me
feel.
Though the wounds of my heart wont heal,
I would continue to love you still.

Your kiss is my only bliss.
The reason why i exist,
Is just to feel your kiss.
No other happiness can compare to this.

Once again, i led my self to believe an illusion and lies which led me to regret and confusion.
I probably have already given-up on a dream once again..because i was forsaken by love once again.
Unrequited and unappreciated, my love is again lost in doubt and resentment..another food to fuel my hatred.

I’m growing tired of this cycle of love and hate, tired of this dubious fate.
I’ve become numb, i’ve become cold.

The chaos within me continues to grow..gnawing at my soul, feeding from my hatred..freedom from existence is soon within reach.