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Anathema

All the things i had been through may not be enough for it to be considered tragic in other peoples view..but that is how i feel.

I just feel that i was deprived of all happiness.

I never wished for any of this to happen..but it just did..

It was my fault to invest everything that i have to a love that i am unsure of. I was my mistake to trust my whole life to someone who doesn’t love me as much as i loved her.

Anathema…I felt that when my trust for her was broken..all other connection has failed.

I am caught between hating her and wanting her back.
I had promised her that i would love her with all my life and all my life..but she just ignored it as if they were just words..

I have a deep sense of hate that i want to show and release..but there is a danger that i might lose my self in the hatred. Her love was the only thing repressing the hate and anguish that i have for this existence..
Now…that love has gone away and faded..leaving a deep wound..intensifying the hatred within me.

I am torn between two life changing choices..to close and distance my self from reality or release the hate within..

I dont really want to love anymore..because everything fades with time..

..but time also heals wounds..i just hope that i have enough time..

“If someone else could love you as much as Death does..then your life would be perfect.”

This entry was posted on Friday, April 6th, 2007 at 8:49 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

2 Responses to “Anathema”

  1. Therese Says:
    May 15th, 2007 at 11:01 am

    Other people’s views don’t count in the face of your personal tragedy. Others will never completely understand how one very painful experience can actually impact on your life. You’re such a nice and placid person, and some people may never see past the surface to see how deeply you’ve been hurting.

    For such a long time now, I’ve been feeling a deep wound too. It feels like an aching and gaping wound in my chest. I know how it feels like to be betrayed too, and it hurts even more when you’ve loved someone more deeply. You surrender your whole heart to someone, and when that someone leaves and takes your heart away, all that’s left is a bitterly painful wound in your soul.

    I’ll never be able to feel your pain as deeply as you do, but I’m just here “listening” to you. Take care, John Paul :)

  2. John Paul Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 6:09 am

    For me..it is important..I almost always analyze myself as a second person..
    I accept everything that happens in my life..as if i had expected and anticipated them..even those tragic events..but as always..i learn more about how people think and react. Through these events, i learn more..
    Pain and misery are two of the most important lessons i have to learn. Funny as it may seem but this is how i go through my life..

    Thanks for understanding..i always knew that you are an understanding person. GodBless.

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