Divergent Chaos

Time..I would want to be there to see it end.

Time stood still when she said goodbye The clouds stopped moving, the wind ceased. Only a single frame existed in the blue sky. Waves no longer rise from the calm seas. It seemed that my world is coming to a bitter end All hope has passed, my heart feels numb The are no more messages to send.. I’ve already said everything but i still feel stupid and dumb. Everything felt bitter and meaningless Because i was betrayed by my own love. I never thought that i could feel this hopeless, My heart now no longer beats and throb.

Time stood still when she said goodbye The clouds stopped moving, the wind ceased. Only a single frame existed in the blue sky. Waves no longer rise from the calm seas. It seemed that my world is coming to a bitter end All hope has passed, my heart feels numb The are no more messages to send.. I’ve already said everything but i still feel stupid and dumb. Everything felt bitter and meaningless Because i was betrayed by my own love. I never thought that i could feel this hopeless, My heart now no longer beats and throb.

All the things i had been through may not be enough for it to be considered tragic in other peoples view..but that is how i feel.

I just feel that i was deprived of all happiness.

I never wished for any of this to happen..but it just did..

It was my fault to invest everything that i have to a love that i am unsure of. I was my mistake to trust my whole life to someone who doesn’t love me as much as i loved her.

Anathema…I felt that when my trust for her was broken..all other connection has failed.

I am caught between hating her and wanting her back.
I had promised her that i would love her with all my life and all my life..but she just ignored it as if they were just words..

I have a deep sense of hate that i want to show and release..but there is a danger that i might lose my self in the hatred. Her love was the only thing repressing the hate and anguish that i have for this existence..
Now…that love has gone away and faded..leaving a deep wound..intensifying the hatred within me.

I am torn between two life changing choices..to close and distance my self from reality or release the hate within..

I dont really want to love anymore..because everything fades with time..

..but time also heals wounds..i just hope that i have enough time..

“If someone else could love you as much as Death does..then your life would be perfect.”

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

I looked deep inside my self..only to find so much things when i expected that there was nothing. I see through the endless mazes of thoughts and memories..some are significant and most are obscure. Everything is in chaos. Chaos is the natural order of things..Even when we thought everything is in order.. This reflects the true human mind and soul. No soul is absolutely holy.God has no soul..not even angels have one..the soul is unique to us..it was God’s gift or curse to us. The truth about this existence is that it will all soon cease..maybe not now..but soon. Every creation deserves to be destroyed.. I’m not hoping for the end of the world..I’m hoping for the end of all existence..where there is no more heaven, no more hell, no more paradise..as it was in the beginning, it shall now be the end of a phase..