Divergent Chaos

I lost my soul when i tried to seek my raison d’etre,

I lost my heart when i sought love,

I lost my mind in my search for the truth,

I lost my life when i tried to live.

I now lie in a casket,

Cold and Hard,

Blood was drained,

Organs removed,

Not a single speck of life was present.

This lonely cadaver is now destined,

to be consumed by maggots and worms.

To turn back into dust and fertilize the earth.

To give way to new lives, new existence.

I say my last farewells to the moon,to the sun

to the wind, to the stars,

to the sea, to the trees

and to the life i once knew.

I have never turned my back on a decision i’ve made..

I always make rush choices despite the consequences.

I have made one one critical decision recently. Something that would directly affect my life.

I’ve never imagine that this was even possible, it was already complicated but it will soon get worse.

I was even amazed at my own self for taking such quick decisions on things like that.

I could have just ignored it and walk away, but i couldn’t help my self…

Fate gave me enough time to back-out but i was hardheaded as usual, the heart again enslaved the mind.

Now, Only one thing is for sure…

There’s No Turning Back…I Surrender My Self To An Eternity Of Constant Pondering.

Another day has ended,

Another day would start anew tomorrow.

But before today is over,

I still have some things to remember..

I dont want to forget,

All the great things i did without regret.

The words i said to you,

The things i did with you..

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xerxes, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.

Why do we exist?

Do we live because God wants us to?

Or because we want to?..

God already gave us everything we need..

Do we still need to ask more?

Somethings in life are just not what you’ve expected them to be.

Not everything you’ve wanted is possible, or even concievable.

We sometimes expect too much or expect too little of ourselves.

The reality of the significance of emotions comes to a blur…

We define love as a wonderful feeling, something magical, special…

but Love is just the absence of hate…

We can compare love to darkness and coldness…

Darkness is the absence of light,

Coldness is the absence of heat

and Love is the absence of hate…

Images of the past flutters before my eyes,

But to me, they no longer surprise.

I’ve been through this so many times

And none of them was worth my time.

Nerv

Lately, i’ve been blogging about "dreams" and "fantasies"…because these are the only places where look, talk and exist with her…

Reality has now become an impenetrable barrier between us..

and Fate now became an enemy..

The dark clouds of sadness that once loomed over the horizon, are now hanging overhead..

The lightning of loneliness, strikes me with unending fervor..

The rains of insecurities falls and drowns me..

The chilling winds of hatred encroaches my heart, making it frozen and hard.

The voices in my head are getting louder and louder with each passing moment,

deafening me with their thundering echoes…

The vivid colors of a blissful fantasy would soon come to an end.

The once carefree moments would now turn to hopeless anxiety.

Bright days would become dull, satisfaction is now just a memory.

The only thing that i look forward to is on the verge of oblivion.

           Another door will be sealed, never opened and never will.

Chances are lost to brief moments of boundless daydreamings.

The once lonely heart would again dive into loneliness.

Injured by changes, it continues to struggle for survival.

Something that never started had already ended within the period of a thought.

I am bound to wake up from this dream, I was destined to end this nightmare.

TIme to face reality, I guess it’s time to go back to the old routines..

But deep inside..i’ve never wanted to wake up..